Damaged "Goods"
Asalamu Alaikum,
Haven't blogged in ages. Had alot of school related, marriage related, family related, and health related issues going on all wrapped into one. Allhamdulilah life has stabilized to a degree now,and I feel I can post regularly inshaAllah.
My cousins and I, went to starbucks on thursday night, on the way back from a dinner party. For some reason, we started discussing the idea of girls being "damaged goods". As in, before marriage she has been involved emotionally, physically, or in any way with another guy.
Now, I can understand the brother's viewpoint in the sense, that the girl flirts and leaves herself out there, and thus falls into the cycle of recieving and giving attention to guys. But what about the girls who do nothing, and get involved in a proposal? What if they're engaged, and get emotionally involved?
Are they still damaged goods? And if so, how is that a bad thing for GIRLS. What about a guy who just came out of a bad engagement...isn't he less desirable due to his feelings being spent on another girl?
This concept of a girl being untouched emotionally...is bogus. I think to a degree, every person has been involved emotionally with another, and I think people who have been jipped, through a bad engagement or arranged proposal, who kept it halal always...that they shouldn't be branded the same label. They didn't do anything to deserve the pain they went too, and in their eyes, this was to turn out into a union of two, and thus feelings developed.
On the other hand...girls who flirt,have casual relations with guys, have major crushes, goo goo men on the street and in the movies, THAT, I can understand is what can result in "damaged goods" as the girl willingly and with great pleasure indulges in running around with other guys and investing emotions and time with them.
I think people who are pure hearted, will remain pure despite what they're put through, as such conditions in a halal setting only nurture positive feelings for the other. If it doesn't work out, I don't believe that the girl has become "used". Girls have an amazing capability to love, and come out strong through hard times. They're built emotionally stronger.
So to brothers, please don't label and throw pure, decent girls into the same bin with the girls who ask for it. Clearly there is a difference between what has been "Damaged" and what remains "beautiful and pure".
May Allah(swt) grant us all pious spouses who will lead us into your Mercy and your Everlasting Gardens. Ameen.
Fi AmanAllah
Haven't blogged in ages. Had alot of school related, marriage related, family related, and health related issues going on all wrapped into one. Allhamdulilah life has stabilized to a degree now,and I feel I can post regularly inshaAllah.
My cousins and I, went to starbucks on thursday night, on the way back from a dinner party. For some reason, we started discussing the idea of girls being "damaged goods". As in, before marriage she has been involved emotionally, physically, or in any way with another guy.
Now, I can understand the brother's viewpoint in the sense, that the girl flirts and leaves herself out there, and thus falls into the cycle of recieving and giving attention to guys. But what about the girls who do nothing, and get involved in a proposal? What if they're engaged, and get emotionally involved?
Are they still damaged goods? And if so, how is that a bad thing for GIRLS. What about a guy who just came out of a bad engagement...isn't he less desirable due to his feelings being spent on another girl?
This concept of a girl being untouched emotionally...is bogus. I think to a degree, every person has been involved emotionally with another, and I think people who have been jipped, through a bad engagement or arranged proposal, who kept it halal always...that they shouldn't be branded the same label. They didn't do anything to deserve the pain they went too, and in their eyes, this was to turn out into a union of two, and thus feelings developed.
On the other hand...girls who flirt,have casual relations with guys, have major crushes, goo goo men on the street and in the movies, THAT, I can understand is what can result in "damaged goods" as the girl willingly and with great pleasure indulges in running around with other guys and investing emotions and time with them.
I think people who are pure hearted, will remain pure despite what they're put through, as such conditions in a halal setting only nurture positive feelings for the other. If it doesn't work out, I don't believe that the girl has become "used". Girls have an amazing capability to love, and come out strong through hard times. They're built emotionally stronger.
So to brothers, please don't label and throw pure, decent girls into the same bin with the girls who ask for it. Clearly there is a difference between what has been "Damaged" and what remains "beautiful and pure".
May Allah(swt) grant us all pious spouses who will lead us into your Mercy and your Everlasting Gardens. Ameen.
Fi AmanAllah
posted by Ayooshi at 5:25 PM
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