Ms. Ayooshi's Musings

Invest Your Time....in YOU.

2006-04-17T01:14:00.000+03:00

Asalamu Alaikum,

Today I spent the day being productive allhamdulilah. Usually I make a plan to exercise after Fajr Salah so its out of the way, and I accomplished it today! It felt good....but a little tiring. It helps though, emotionally, I felt happier today and I have not felt exceptionally elated since the beginning of this dreaded month.

Anyways, I need books...good books to read. Preferably related to the History of Islam. Mmmmmmmm......

Btw...I discovered the ultimate quickie indulgence for chocolate cravings. :)

1/4 cup Sweetened Condensed Milk
2 Heaping TableSpoons of Cocoa Powder.

Microwave for 20-30secs in a bowl,stir, and indulge.

You will not regret it inshaAllah. ;)

Fi AmanAllah

Bumpy, Lumpy, Furry Camels who are Mammals...lalala

2006-04-15T22:55:00.000+03:00

Asalamu Alaikum,

"People are just like camels.Out of a hundred of them, you can hardly find one that is suitable to ride." Prophet (sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam) through Abdullah ibn Umar (radiyallahu anh).

I think that pretty much speaks for itself. Even though, I don't feel i'm excluded from that caravan of unsuitable camels :(

Few more weeks till I have to give the SAT. I'm so nervous.....InshaAllah khair.

Fi AmanAllah

Damaged "Goods"

2006-04-14T17:25:00.000+03:00

Asalamu Alaikum,

Haven't blogged in ages. Had alot of school related, marriage related, family related, and health related issues going on all wrapped into one. Allhamdulilah life has stabilized to a degree now,and I feel I can post regularly inshaAllah.

My cousins and I, went to starbucks on thursday night, on the way back from a dinner party. For some reason, we started discussing the idea of girls being "damaged goods". As in, before marriage she has been involved emotionally, physically, or in any way with another guy.

Now, I can understand the brother's viewpoint in the sense, that the girl flirts and leaves herself out there, and thus falls into the cycle of recieving and giving attention to guys. But what about the girls who do nothing, and get involved in a proposal? What if they're engaged, and get emotionally involved?

Are they still damaged goods? And if so, how is that a bad thing for GIRLS. What about a guy who just came out of a bad engagement...isn't he less desirable due to his feelings being spent on another girl?

This concept of a girl being untouched emotionally...is bogus. I think to a degree, every person has been involved emotionally with another, and I think people who have been jipped, through a bad engagement or arranged proposal, who kept it halal always...that they shouldn't be branded the same label. They didn't do anything to deserve the pain they went too, and in their eyes, this was to turn out into a union of two, and thus feelings developed.

On the other hand...girls who flirt,have casual relations with guys, have major crushes, goo goo men on the street and in the movies, THAT, I can understand is what can result in "damaged goods" as the girl willingly and with great pleasure indulges in running around with other guys and investing emotions and time with them.

I think people who are pure hearted, will remain pure despite what they're put through, as such conditions in a halal setting only nurture positive feelings for the other. If it doesn't work out, I don't believe that the girl has become "used". Girls have an amazing capability to love, and come out strong through hard times. They're built emotionally stronger.

So to brothers, please don't label and throw pure, decent girls into the same bin with the girls who ask for it. Clearly there is a difference between what has been "Damaged" and what remains "beautiful and pure".

May Allah(swt) grant us all pious spouses who will lead us into your Mercy and your Everlasting Gardens. Ameen.

Fi AmanAllah

Good Bye.

2006-04-04T08:09:00.000+03:00

everybodys got something they had to leave behind
one regret from yesterday that just seems to grow with time
theres no use looking back or wondering how it could be now or never been all this
i know but still i cant find ways to let you go

la la la

2006-01-22T20:23:00.000+03:00

Asalamu Alaikum,

My parents are back from hajj. Allhamdulilah!!! Things are so crazyful hectic, with people coming over all the time to say congrats!

I had a gradumacation party for family on friday. It was sooooooo nice. I got a really pretty ring, a fancy thobe w/ hijab and a ca-ute purse. Allhamdulilah, I was bery happy!

I found a university here in riyadh, for women, which is quite recognized, and is a branch of Al Imam university, that offers Shari'ah. Im reallyyyy excited. InshaAllah im going in a few days to check it out and see the admission stuff. woohoo :)

I finally found one thing wrong with applying henna. It looks sooo icky when it starts fading. My hand is like orangish yellow, like I took a marker and scribbled all over my arm and hand. Im washing my hands alot nowadays, I hope it comes off super soon!

hmmmm, I FINALLY made an apple pie, without a piecrust that looks mashed and icky. It looks quite decent, but I need more practice. I'll put up a picture soon inshaAllah.

anyways, im tired, and I still have to go to a halaqa, the topic is regarding the last ayah of Surah Ya-sin, which touches on the concept of how we'll be re created. Reallyyy interesting. I always wondered about that ayah too, since i've discussed it with my dad. Lets see how much light is shed on it today.

Me is sleepy.

Fi AmanAllah

Stress is Good

2006-01-09T14:38:00.000+03:00

Asalamu Alaikum,

Its be 2 1/2 days since my parents left for Hajj. I'm absolutely overwhelmed with work. I have to run through my arabic grammar notes, practice tajweeed ( which is sooooooo hard without sister Saira next to me.) and being a mommy of 2 kids, and house maintainer.

Its funny, because im absolutely exhausted by Ishaa, and I usually sleep right after, get up for Qiyam, sleep, and fajr. But these days, after all my work is done and my siblings are in bed, I log online and stay on. Its absurd, since I don't have time to go online as I need my sleep but there I am, talking to people I haven't too in ages.

In a way, its really good...because I haven't been in contact frequently with friends and relatives for a long while. I don't go on msn much anymore, or on forums, but its nice to know how everyones doing. On the other hand, Im half asleep while making lunch, studying, I forgot to put salt in the lasagna and everyone was like...blekh. :) I guess when my parents come back inshaAllah i'll go back into disappear mode, I get more done that way, and I need to stay spiritually stable.

My 3 year old cousin Yahya did the cutest thing. Well, its terrifying but if you see him you'll melt so anything he does is adorable. He walked out of his home, went down the street, crossed a main 3 lane street, entered the mall on the other end, walked around the shops until a man found him. The man than took him door too door in the surrounding neighborhood asking him "is this your home?" and he's very calm and telling him "No, not this one." eventually they found his home and he was returned safely to my terrified aunt.

It makes me see that kids are much more confident these days. In every aspect. My little sister is so bold and indenpendant. I didn't reach that level of confidence till very late. I suppose the times were in right now, we need tougher made people, not the soft, shaky type like me. hmm Allahu Alim.

I finished listening to Imam Anwar Awlaki's lectures on the Signs of Judegement, it was excellent. Im starting on the Stories of the Prophets, this evening inshaAllah. I just hope I can utilize the knowledge i've gained, as its serious business learning Ilm and not implementing it. May Allah(swt) grant us the taufeeq to do so.

Anyways, I need to start packing, as am spending the night at my aunts, in order to be there with them for Eid. It'll be super crazy, seeing she has the most hyper kids and next door to my uncle and his crazy kids, but mashaAllah I love them all.

Alright, back to my action packed life...woohoo.

Fi AmanAllah

No Hajj...

2006-01-07T13:59:00.000+03:00

Labbayk Allahumma Labbayk

2005-12-17T05:19:00.000+03:00

Asalamu Alaikum,

Am going for Hajj this year inshaAllah. Have been busy reading soooooooo much and memorizing things. Im really truly happy, I haven't felt like this in a long time. My brain is going to burst with all im consuming these days, but its so fascinating.

InshaAllah khair, things will go well.

In other news, I rode a bike today. First time after 5 years. It was shortlived though, as my mom yelled at me to get off within 2 minutes. :)

Fi AmanAllah

Belated Eid Present

2005-12-02T06:21:00.000+03:00

Asalamu Alaikum,

Yesterday was such a tiring day. I went to a huuuge mall, so as to find some cute outfits and shoes. I spent 3 hours and ended up with a pair of pants and sandals. SuhbhanAllah...shopping IS a waste of time.

Anyways, while I was shopping my little sister was roaming the mall with my brother. We meet up at the food court and she has this pretty wrapped pink box and says "I got you a eid present, cause now I have money." (Her eidie) and it was the MOST adorable stuffed toy. awwwwwww...

For all the deprived people, its called a "poogle" and is from neopets, and no I did not play neopets for 3 straight years! yes, but she kept asking me "Do you like it?" and each time I would give her a big kiss....Allhamdulilah for such a sincere soft hearted sister.

I also got shoes....they're so pretty, i'll post them up too.

Anyways, whenever I shop, I get a sinking feeling. I feel spoiled and I don't know....with all the people that are deprived of such wonderful things, how can I be gleefully hoarding my new treasures? I don't know....all I can do is make dua for Allah(swt) to grant me the taufeeq to realize that there are others who are unfortunate.

I believe there was a Sahaba(ra) who's shoelaces ripped or his shoe tore and he prayed to Allah(swt) for a new one, and used the fact that his shoe ripped as a basis to buy new ones. Allahu Alim but just to use for a lessons sake. SuhbhanAllah! How they utilized they're resources...and we want shoes to match every outfit, while they sought valid reasons for every purchase so as to be ready to answer on Qiyama.

May Allah(swt) grant us Soft Qulbs and open our eyes to the reality of this dunya. May He let us feel the pain of our muslim brothers and sisters suffering worldwide. May He grant us the means to help them in every and any way possible. May He grant them Saqinah and High Ranks in Jannah. Ameen

Fi AmanAllah

To Do List

2005-11-30T10:16:00.000+03:00

Asalamu Alaikum,

I got my blog back, Allhamdulilah.

I made a list of things I need to do before I get busy again. I have too much time.

1. Catch up on reading.
2. Research/buy good fiqh books
3. Memorize Surah Ya-sin
4. Learn to make mouth watering biryani
5. Prepare halaqa topic
6. Start knitting ( stop laughing !)
7. Download adobe photoshop and learn how to use
8. Study for SAT
9. Hijab shopping
10. Hair trimmed
11. Clear/ re organize art drawer
12. Bake pies for saturday evening.

Alot of this can be done this week, some will take time, and others are their as time fillers. Allhamdulilah...I hope I can stay productive and resist laziness.

I found this to be pretty...

Give me a chance
To search for roads where
I have never walked with you,
For seats
Where I have never sat with you.
For places
That have no memory of you.

Poetry is so strange, a few simple words can describe a myriad of complex emotions.

Fi AmanAllah

2005-11-23T11:33:00.001+03:00

Asalamu Alaikum,

I went to an Aqiqa yesterday within the compound I live in. It was really nice because the sisters I befriended recently were there. One upsetting aspect was how the sister of the guy who abused my lil sister was present and being EXTREMELY rude in an indirect way. I was extremely shocked, as what does she have to be upset and rude about? She should be ashamed and apologetic. SubhanAllah, people have changed so much in this dunya. Just because our family didn’t cower in front of them, its like were the most horrible people.

This same girl had apparently told all the other little girls to be as rude as possible to my sis. Throughout the Aqiqa my sister sat on my lap with tears rolling down her eyes. When I confronted the girl about what she did, she got so abusive with her language. I was just like “Don’t be a coward, face me if you have an issue. Don’t mess with my sister.” Sigh.

“And be patient with what they say, and keep away from them in a good way. And leave Me alone with those Beliers, those who are in possession of good things of life. And give them respite for awhile.” (10.73)

In Surah An Nas, it is mentioned how there are Shayateen among Jinn and mankind. For the first time in my life I have encountered numerous Shaitan’s, and it breaks my heart how horribly they behave with us, just b/c were not liberal and crazy like them. At the end of the day, it’s the haqq that shows through and Al Hayul Al Qayoom is there, and that’s solace. This is Dunya…and Jannah is not attainable unless you bleed tears from every pore. Allhamdulilah.

“(The same) who whispers into the breasts of Mankind, - Among Jinn and Men.”(An-Nas, 6)

Anywho…I’m going to a cute Saudi Farm tomorrow inshaAllah. They’ll have little huts and lambs and baby cows. There will be Bedouin women, who apply black henna to your hands and their designs are extremely delicate and unique, and the henna is completely black. It’s supposed to be extremely green and beautiful, I’m really excited! I’ll post pictures inshaAllah! : )

It’s so very chilly here; I’m in love with it. It reminds me of home, back in ohio when me and my brother would purposely stay up after fajr and sneak downstairs to make tea. (We weren’t allowed to have it) and sit outside in the freezing morning fog, all the time keeping our ears perked up to hear if a parent was coming down. Hehe…

Fi AmanAllah

Gradumacation

2005-11-23T11:33:00.000+03:00

Asalamu Alaikum,

Wow...I have no future right now. I'm in a limbo and inshaAllah i'll get into a college soon, where? I have no idea, when? No clue...but what to do till than?

A. Sleep
B. Sleep
C. Sleep

Hmmmm, not sure. :(

I thought gradumacating from high school would be the most amazing thing ever. But since I have nothing ahead..than. Oh well.

Seriously though, I'm thinking of starting arabic classes again and sign up for swimming lessons. I can see myself right now...swimming lessons...loll. :P

Khair, I was flipping through some stuff I had and this hadith struck me. I would always feel the same way, that its usually the most wacky people who, when they embrace deen or come back they're the MOST amazing and most active in their deen mashaAllah.

Abu Hurairah narrated that the Messenger of Allah (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) said: "People are like mines of silver and gold; the best of them in the days of Ignorance (jahilliyah) are the best of them in Islam when they attain knowledge" (Muslim).

I suppose the key phrase their is "when they attain knowledge".

Anyways, I'm going crazy go nuts making dua night and day that Allah(swt) make me pure enough to feel content with life right now. I feel guilty over my restlessness. It can't be a good thing to feel this way.

O Allah, indeed I ask of you, guidance, piety and chastity and to be free of depending on anyone execept you. Ameen Ya Rabb.

In other news: My little sister ruined my most favorite black hijaab. I've had it since forever and she smeared bubble gum all over it. Please make dua. Innil Ilahi wa Innil Ilayhi rajioon.

Fi AmanAllah

p.s. This comic is so horrible, but I think the drawings are sooo cute. awww.
http://whiteninjacomics.com/comics/shorty.shtml

In a wakeful doze I sorrow...

2005-11-19T23:12:00.000+03:00

Asalamu Alaikum,

I found this extremely helpful in the past few months with the trials Allah(swt) bestowed, especially now. InshaAllah others can find use for it also. :) I bolded the parts that I believe TRULY work…SuhbhanAllah.

15 Ways to Dispel Worries and Regrets

Ibn al-Qayyim summed fifteen ways through which Allaah may dispel worries and regret. These are as follows:

1- Tawheed al-Ruboobiyyah (belief in the Oneness of Divine Lordship)

2- Tawheed al-Uloohiyyah (belief in the Oneness of the Divine nature)

3- Tawheed of knowledge and belief (i.e., Tawheed al-Asma’ wa’l_Sifaat, belief in the Oneness of the Divine names and attributes)

4- Thinking of Allaah as being above doing any injustice to His slaves, and above punishing anyone for no cause on the part of the slave that would require such punishment.

5- The person’s acknowledging that he is the one who has done wrong.

6- Beseeching Allaah by means of the things that are most beloved to Him, which are His names and attributes. Two of His names that encompass the meanings of all other names and attributes are al-Hayy (the Ever-Living) and al-Qayyoom (the Eternal).

7- Seeking the help of Allaah Alone.

8- Affirming one's hope in Him.

9- Truly putting one’s trust in Him and leaving matters to Him, acknowledging that one's forelock is in His hand and that He does as He wills, that His will is forever executed and that He is just in all that He decrees.

10-Letting one's heart wander in the garden of the Qur’aan, seeking consolation in it from every calamity, seeking healing in it from all diseases of the heart, so that it will bring comfort to his grief and healing for his worries and distress.

11-Seeking forgiveness.

12-Repentance.

13-Jihad.

14-Salaah (prayer). (esp. Qiyaam ul Layl)

15-Declaring that he has no power and no strength, and leaving matters to the One in Whose hand they are.

We ask Allaah to keep us safe and sound from worries and to relieve us of distress and anxiety, for He is the All-Hearing, Ever-Responsive, and He is the Ever-Living, Eternal.

And Allaah knows best. May Allaah send blessings and peace upon our Prophet Muhammad and his family and companions.

Fi AmanAllah

Asalamu Alaikum

2005-11-14T10:12:00.000+03:00

Asalamu Alaikum,

Apparently I need to sort out my thoughts. InshaAllah I hope this turns into a productive blog which can be of some use to others, especially myself.

May Allah(swt) keep you all safe from despair and ingratitude. Ameen

Fi AmanAllah

Bye Bye to Another Desire

2005-11-13T23:12:00.000+03:00

Asalamu Alaikum,

I’ve stopped becoming surprised at my fate. SuhbhanAllah. :)

Here I was, ready for my interview with the International Islamic University of Islamabad, ready for 3 years of intensive deen study, ready to pursue what I’ve been dreaming about for 4 years…and Allah(swt) again…had something different planned for me.

It is said when the very FIRST wave of grief strikes you is when you should say Innil Ilahi wa Innil ilayhi rajioon. It is that first blow that shakes your very core that has the most immense ajjar for resisting and remembering the Most High.

I’ve found that I have many likes and desires, but it is only what I desire with all my heart and soul that is always always taken away from me. What I struggle for the most, is what is conveniently slipped out of my reach. And everytime it involved obeying my parents over obeying my desire. :)

Life is just one test after another, and what is a test if were not tested with things that would truly make us struggle? That would cloud our reasoning with emotions and sorrow? I thought since I was pursuing deen that nothing could stop me as long as I kept making dua and working hard. Truly Allah(swt) tests to separate the true from the false.

Khair, Sabr is most befitting for me on top of everything else. I pray that Allah(swt) gives me what is best for me and helps me become pure enough to pursue attainment of Ilm.

Word of Advice: Be careful of what you desire, no matter how pure of a desire it may be. This dunya is a trial in which all your desires are lined up and knocked over, one by one until you despair from Allah(swt) Mercy, or raise yourself above them and look towards Allah(swt) to decide your desires.

“And you cannot escape in the earth or in the heaven (from Allah). And besides Allah you have neither any Protector nor any Helper.” ( 29.22)

“So whatever you have been given is but (a passing) enjoyment for this worldly life, but that which is with Allah (Paradise) is better and more lasting for those who believe and put their trust in their Lord (concerning all of their affairs).

May Allah(swt) grant us the ability to submit to His Will completely. (42.36)

Fi AmanAllah